I repeat...we do NOT have mice

Dear Custodian Mike,

I just wanted to clear up a misconception. You might think we have mice in the Faculty Room, but really, I just have a problem throwing things. You see. Today, I tried to throw away my trash while comfortably seated. Naturally, I missed the trash can and the little trinket of garbage landed securely on the mouse trap. Now you might say, that answers the mystery of one of the set off mouse traps, but what about the other? Well, to answer that question. About two weeks ago, I brought an orange. When I was throwing it around (?) I accidentally kicked it behind the vending machine where, of course, the other mouse trap happens to be. Sorry.

For those of you who actually live in Jordan district and whose taxes might increase because of the sudden need to buy more mouse traps, I apologize and if it will assuage your fears of wasted money, I will even replace them.

My apologies,
Amber Anderson
(From THE entertaining lunch of the first)